Ruby
CRASH!!! Falling out of the picture on my wall were hundreds of sweets!I took a sweet and ate it.Mmmmm! It was my favourite red, smooth cherry, with velvety chocolate. It was mouthwatering. I was feeling joyful: licking my lips; grinning showing my sparkly, white teeth; eyes wide. Suddenly I got pulled into the picture. The air tasted sweet, it was nice. At first I thought I liked to stay, but then I realised I was alone. How would I get back...
Ruby
15 Comments
3/20/2014 03:16:30 am
The three sentence types really have been used well to draw the reader in. This is a tense and punchy piece of writing which certainly grips the reader and makes them want to read on.
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Amber
3/20/2014 06:52:20 pm
Wow! Great discription
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Robert
3/20/2014 10:10:12 pm
I loved this story, i think it has great description and its making me feel hungry :-)
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Emily
3/20/2014 10:10:43 pm
Love the discriptoin about the sweats well done.
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Amy
3/20/2014 10:10:57 pm
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Ynys
3/20/2014 10:12:16 pm
I love how sweeties poured out of the picture. Because I love sweeties. It really made me want to read more to find out what happens.
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Isabella
3/20/2014 10:12:16 pm
Hi I'm Isabella from the Wyche primary school class 4,
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Charlotte
3/20/2014 10:13:22 pm
I really like all of it it is so good
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martha from the wyche
3/20/2014 10:13:41 pm
I like the way that you made my mouth water now I want some sweets and also I want to read on
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daisy
3/20/2014 10:16:45 pm
i like it it stands out and its unique
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Mrs FT
3/24/2014 05:04:17 am
A sensational description Ruby. I found my mouth watering :)
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Freiya ( suckley)
12/30/2014 04:16:00 am
It sounds tasty. It makes me really hungry, even thinking about it.Was it a sweet house ? If it was you can call me and I would dig right in. Does it have chocolate ? If it was Poppy would have already eaten it and there would be no crumbs!
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Author21 amazing children from Suckley Primary School, Worcestershire. Sharing their learning journey with you!
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April 2015
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